Posts in self-care
Healing Continues: Spirituality

This is the third week touching upon topics related to our healing from the abuses and their impact that wives and partners endure from men called sex addicts. This series began after I did something no one else had ever done: I created and posted a list of the ways these men abused us. The following week I listed the impact of those abuses upon our lives. You added more. 

Some readers on public forums panicked after seeing those lists, trying to de-focus, distract, pivot, diminish and qualify the simple facts recorded there. The clarity of describing our experience also jolted some women out of their resignation, including those following religious pressures to stay and absorb the risks. I understand that our experience of abuse can create intense spiritual confusion for many women. So, let’s spend some time today finding ways to both heal our spirits and use our spirituality to heal our whole being.

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self-care, expectations for recovery, making decisionsDiane Stricklandhealing, partner integrity, spirituality, growth, personal growth, the right thing for you, saving yourself
Healing Continues: Sexuality

No one gets better all at once. Healing goes on as we pick up pieces of our life that still belong, set aside those pieces that no longer fit, and build new pieces for the gaps that remain. And, as many have come to realize we are changed forever by our experience as wives and partners of men called sex addicts. The person that begins to emerge on our healing journey isn’t exactly the same person we were. There’s a “before” and an “after” version of “me.”

That truth still chokes me up. It’s one thing to lose the life partner who was the love of your life and the one you trusted with your children’s lives—but it’s another kick in the teeth to lose yourself. It’s back to square one. PTSD runs over nearly 70% of us like a Mack truck according to published research by Dr. B. Steffens. Some of the strengths you are counting on within yourself just aren’t there when you call them up. Some of the skills out of which you make a living may be compromised. Some of the comforts in being “you” are moving targets now. Healing continues as your life unfolds with different liabilities and different assets.

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self-care, making decisions, expectations for recoveryDiane Stricklandhealing, the right thing for you, partners look after themselves, starting over, sexuality
Healing Begins

I don’t know about you, but I’m still processing the two lists that formed the core of the last two blogs—and I wrote them! There is no “light and breezy” way to name what we have endured and how it impacts us. It’s abuse. That means it’s ugly and it leaves a mark.

Today I want to share a few of the ways I have put myself back together and grown into more than I was before this nightmare began. I live a good life. Yes, it is a diminished life. I lost a great deal and live with many challenges because of the never-ending impact of PTSD. But my life also is much richer because I chose to live the rest of my life differently. You can do this too, in your own way. This blog will help you begin.

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self-careDiane Stricklandhealing, partners are priority, your strength, recovering for real, loving yourself
Intimate Partner Abuse: How Does It Impact You?

Intimate Partner Abuse by men called sex addicts is a taboo topic for the treatment industry and religious-based recovery programs and practitioners. Your response to last week’s blog, however, tells me it’s a topic long overdue for attention. Thank you for your feedback and additional items for the list.

Today I’m talking about the impact and consequences from the abuse we have endured. It’s not a pretty list, either, so please take care of yourself as you read it. Pace yourself. Use mindfulness coping strategies, tapping, and self-soothing strategies along the way. And if your symptoms need urgent attention seek professional help or call a crisis helpline for women.

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Post-traumatic stress, self-careDiane Stricklandpartners are priority, wives and partners pay the price, bearing witness, patriarchal assumptions, telling the truth of your life, tell your story, therapeutic incompetence, intimate partner abuse, intimate partner violence
What Kind of Primary Relationship Does the Treatment Industry Have in Mind for You?

Are you wondering when someone in the treatment program is going to advocate and act for your interests? I’m talking about basic stuff—like what you need to know right now about his sexual and sexualized activities, or responding to your concerns that having him around right now makes you hypervigilant and unable to function, or asking them to recognize that blaming you for his behaviours is particularly heinous, etc.

Well, I hope you are wearing comfortable shoes. It will be a long wait.

The relationship paradigm underneath the prevailing treatment program (as with the many religious groups involved with recovery programs for men called sex addicts) is based on the man’s best interests being served first, foremost, always. It’s not a temporary therapeutic priority. It’s permanent. You don’t get an adult back as a life partner. You get a treatment industry approved non-adult project. And often a mean one, at that.

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therapeutic abuse, making decisions, expectations for recovery, self-careDiane Stricklandpartners are priority, misogynist therapy, therapeutic incompetence, patriarchal assumptions