Don't Think. Breathe.

Managing trauma symptoms is a great challenge for most wives and partners of CASRD (compulsive abusive sexual-relational disordered) men. They ambush us at awkward times and in awkward places. They accompany the processes and necessary interactions we have with him, his treatment group, our friends, families and communities of faith. In the moment it can be so disorienting that we will try to think our way out of the confusion of feelings and facts. And it never works.

The fourth video in my Pandemic Practicums series touches upon these familiar (to us) dynamics. In it I talk about why the “thinking” approach is so ineffective, and how we have to learn the language of our alarm systems in order to speak directly to them so that the alarm dials down. If you are struggling with these dynamics for whatever reason, you will find this video a good introduction to assembling your best coping tools for your toolbox.

I introduce three coping tools that I believe are basic building blocks for managing stress and trauma symptoms. The title for this blog comes from one of them, and urges us all to set a new automatic reflex for managing these symptoms. Then, I invite you conduct your own experiment with each of these tools.

When we discover ways to manage our symptoms we are more empowered to continue to participate in life as much as possible. We are less distracted from the real priorities we set for our lives. We have more energy because we are not drained by the symptoms and by trying to fix them with the wrong tools.

So here, then, is the link to this free video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqaryEitHvg

Or, click on the thumbnail at the bottom of this post.

Before I sign off, I want to thank those who have been able to make a donation from time to time (Green button at the bottom of the home page—hey, take this chance to look at the whole site and not just this page!). Like many of you, I lost work because of the pandemic, but have chosen to try and add some value (together with my partner) by creating this free YouTube series Pandemic Practicums. As we go through this together, it’s important to remember who we are and whenever possible, to find ways to bring the best of that to the table. Thank you for helping me to do that.

May we give ourselves everything we need to live our lives with courage, self-respect, compassion and honesty. And may we have safety wherever we are around the world.

with you,

Diane.